Paraprosdokian ~ ??? What the heck? “)

Since we all are enjoying one event or another watching the Olympics…and, since the games are in London ~ thought I’d throw this in.  Winston Churchill loved using a paraprosdokian phrase …. one of his favorite things to use when speaking ….

Paraprosdokians  ~ are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous. Enjoy!

1. Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on my list.

3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right–only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit… Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

9. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

10. In filling out an application, where it says, ‘In case of emergency, Notify:’ I put ‘DOCTOR’.

11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

13. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure..

14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

15. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

16. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.

17. I’m supposed to respect my elders, but its getting harder and harder for me to find one now.

So truly ~ one can have fun with the English language, “sting someone” before they even know what everyone is laughing about!! 

Have a great day … and share a funny-haha with someone!  Always, Elichap

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2012 Summer Olympics ~ Opening Ceremony in Olympic Park, London

Oh, what a night with performances of excellence and humor, only the British can deliver.  With Queen Elizabeth appearing in a video, “The Queen” and James Bond parachuting in for the occasion, Mr. Bean at his best bringing laughter to the seated crowd of 62,000 and millions of  TV viewers.  A very strange, but entertaining version of Peter Pan, and …. I have never seen so many “Mary Poppins” to protect the children from the nightmarish figures!  David Beckman  in a beautiful boat at top speed with the Olympic torch bringing  it’s journey over 70 days and 6000 mile relay to an end.  As “an Australian TV commentator described the show … “brilliant but bonkers” ~ pretty much sums it up.

It has been reported that there are 204 “countries” participating in the games. However, in actuality, there are only 196 independent countries around the world.  A bit confusing? ~ yes.  Technically, save 3, there are 193 independent counties that have athletes in London for the games.  There are 11 territories, or other entities, that have been permitted by the International Olympic Committee to have their own National Olympic Committee (NOC).   Thus, 204 stated “countries”.  The three independent countries not represented are South Sudan, Kosovo, and Vatican City/Holy See.

Interestingly enough ~ South Sudan declared their independence from Sudan in July, 2011. Quickly being accepted into the United Nations, the war-torn country is working to get  theirs lives and country back in order.  Unfortunately, for the few athletes they do have, creating a NOC has not moved its way up the priority list.

Kosovo is our second newest independent country, officially as of 2008.  With continuing status issues with Serbia, has not obtained international recognition.  Even though they created their own Olympic Committee of Kosovo ~ their athletes are unable to participate without a NOC in their country.

Vatican City/Holy See ~ which is recognized as an independent country, does not have a NOC. Nor does the Vatican City have any aspirations to have a committee in the future.

For the 204 “countries”, there is an approximate total of 10,690 (and one report was 17,000 ~ so somewhere in between!) athletes participating in 26 sport categories, 36 disciplines (Defined event within the category. Exp:  Swimming category ~ breaststroke, free style, relay, etc. are “disciplines”.) equaling approx. 300 events for one to choose from.  Per individual  “country”, representation ranges from 5 to 557 members.  Great Britain (557), United States (534), and Russia (441) topping the list.

So for the next 17 days ~ we will be entertained and watch with enthusiasm as athletes from around the world compete for the Gold, Silver and Bronze. GOOOOO USA!!

Everyone, enjoy your events of choice ~ and, maybe watch some new ones.  Unfortunately… baseball, nor softball, is included in this year’s Olympics.   ~  Have a great day!

Always ~ Elichap

“I’m Melting” …..

…. Yes, it is summer ~ a very hot, hot summer for this part of our country, the Midwest.  I do believe I could serve breakfast outdoors ~ the heat coming from the sidewalks, I’m sure I could fry up some bacon and eggs!  It must be really dry in the southern states ~ we now have Armadillo’s in Northern Kentucky and Southern IL!  Nope ~ have never seen them this far north before.

I reckon Mother Nature is trying her best to tell us ~ we are just not that far away from Hell because it sure is making it’s presence apparent with the plants that sit upon this earth beginning to dry up and die off.   People are even “buying ice blocks” to cool their pools ~ have not seen that in many years….since the mid 1970’s.  One must eat ice cream or a popsicle very fast if outdoors.  Must be El Nino making it’s presence known ~ robbing the moisture in the air to bring our much needed rain.

However, we are not to the 1930’s Dust Bowl …. yet. Way back when, not only lack of rain, but due to little crop rotation, crops died off leaving the top soil to swirl in the arid winds across the U.S.  No, we aren’t to that stage ~ yet.  However, the birds sit with their little beaks open, spreading their wings to cool themselves while sitting in the shade.  I know how they feel ~ sitting in the shade one finds little relief.  Even though there is a breeze … it’s hot!  But we have experienced “droughts’ in the mid-1950’s, five years in the 1960’s, got by with only two years in the 70’s.  Entering the 1980’s ~ selected years, 1983 and the worst across the country, 1988.  Mother Nature gave us a bit of break from 1990 into the 2000’s. But 2010 ~ we began to see more days with extreme heat, but at least we had rain in the mix of swelter.  This summer ~ long hot days, no measurable rain thus no humidity in our area. Very strange, indeed, since that is one of our “summer personalities” in the Midwest that usually makes 80 degrees feel like 101….with “instant” glistening as one walks out a door.

Global warming, I would say so….but also, history repeating itself.  However, will this be a record summer that certainly will affect crops, people lives … death due to the extreme heat.  Our weather patterns certainly have changed, season’s have shifted and we have seen over the past few years one weather disaster after another all over the globe.  Mother Nature’s furry has been letting off steam everywhere, cracking the surface of our earth ~ shaking us up??!

Yes ~ it is a very H~O~T summer and I just pray …. our air conditioner continues to work!  Spoiled, yes we sure are.  Taking it for granted…no, I don’t.  Thankful ~ from the bottom of my heart.  This too shall pass ~ just not quite sure when.

Stay as cool as possible!!!  Always ~ Elichap

The Championship, aka=British, Open ~ On to Day Three

Once again, while many are sleeping, the third round of the British Open is under way.  The course at Royal Lathym-St. Annes is in beautiful shape, and as far as weather goes, for the United Kingdom, has been picture perfect ~ chilly ~ but the rains have stayed at bay.  Even though, either from a sprinkler system or Mother Nature ~ there is standing water in the bunkers and the course sand is very wet to hit out of which only adds a degree of difficulty in the infamously deep bucket “traps”.  Just not the ‘light and fluffy’ golfers are used to in the States.

Some continue play today, and others won’t be among the qualified.  Unfortunately, after yesterday’s round ~ Phil Mickelson was cut, ending his two day appearance at +11.  A great player having a very rough go in his past twelve of fourteen rounds ~ two rounds of last weekend’s Scottish Open, he did shot under par. Mickelson finished fifth in that tournament. But, he found the Royal Lathym was unyielding. Hitting into a bucket bunker at the green on the sixth hole…was just part of his downhill round yesterday. His ball landed within a 1/2″ from standing water in the bunker, did get a free drop away in very lumpy course sand.  Blasted the ball only to disappear on the lip of the bunker in very high water grass. At that point, Mickelson asked the official ~ “Isn’t there a rule about being able to see your ball to hit it?”! Unfortunately for Mickelson, the answer was “no”.  He missed his two foot putt which circled the cup but refused to drop giving him a double bogie for the hole.  Mickelson had shot a 73 the day before and confident he could improve.  Alas, his game only got worse for him yesterday with a 78.  His last cut from a major was in 2007.  From all statements made ~ I do believe Mickelson was as perplexed as anyone as to where his game went array.

A highlight of the tournament ~ “A 2-over 72 landed Tom Watson just inside the cut line at 143, enabling the 62-year-old five-time Open champion to extend his own record as the oldest man to play on the weekend since the British Open went to a 36-hole cut. Watson is 13 strokes behind.”

With Brandt Snedeker holding the lead in the British Open at -10, one stroke behind is Adam Scott. However ~ Tiger Woods is right on their heels.  Tiger is only four off the lead at -6.  He shot a round of 67, which matched his 3 under the first day.  His shot of the day!! Hole #18 ~ out of the bunker, to the hole and outta sight! The Tiger pump and roar followed …. good to see that back.  Some say arrogant ~ I say, yeeeessss!   “)    He has played steady and precise golf, without getting into too many problem areas for the past two days. He will be teeing off a bit later today ~ and I certainly will be watching. Baseball will just have to wait another day.

Along with those at the top, we have Therbjorn Oelesen at -5, Jason Dufner and Matt Kuchar -4 (5 way tie), Ernie Els -3, Steve Stricker -2 (4 way tie), Bubba Watson -1 (14 way tie), Vijay Singh +1 (after today’s round at even par), and Padriag Harrington +2…currently on the 16th and holding.

As we know in any sport ~ much can happen between present and near future. As we have seen in many golf tournaments, the lead can change hands many times.  So will be interesting to see just how “the wash comes out”!   However, with conditions at the Royal Lathym-St. Annes being so ideal ~ makes for a plus to those playing.  Therefore, so far, poor play can’t be blame on the “elements”.

To everyone ~ enjoy your games of choice today.    Always ~ Elichap

Oh, These Hot, Hazy Days of Summer ~

I have been trying to reincarnate the “rain dance” used by our Native Americans …. but to date, Mother Nature is just not cooperating.  However, I must say ~ her breezes that move the leaves have been a blessing moving the muggy out of the air, and makes sitting in the shade at least pleasant.

But I sit here, thinking back ~ when we were kids. As I bring back memories ~ we never seemed to mind the heat of summer.  Being outdoors was wonderful. There were cowboys and indians to fight. Trees to climb. Rocks to find.  Hide and seek when evening began to fall. Laying in the coolness of the grass, in a shaded area, but still able to view the sky watching the clouds as they floated by. Taking turns as to what we saw ~ a hand, a dog, a marshmallow ~ tigers and bears, oh my!  Listening to different birds and watching the them flutter from one branch to another ~ keeping us entertained. With our dogs, Rocky and Peanuts, lazily enjoying our restful existance, they would both perk-up hearing the squirrels chatter, letting us know ~ “we” all were in their territory. Watched in amazement as the dogs tried their best to climb the tree. Soon, they’d give up and come back, but keeping a close watch just in case those noisy squirrels ventured to the ground.

We built a fort among the bushes in our neighbors yard ~ seeking the coolness it provided.  We looked forward to the days the “men” would come to open the fire hydrant, just at the corner of our street ~ what a delight and  the water was so cold!  How could that be when it was so very hot out.  We would ride our bikes, feeling the wind that seemed to be so strong ~ cooling us off. But when we stopped! No breeze at all.  Looking down a sunny street ~ a glistening mirage of “water” would catch our eye.  Racing on our trusty bikes, we would try our best to catch it, only to have it move further down the street. The kaleidoscope mirage was beautiful ~ rainbow colors that seemed to float just above the pavement. Eventually, tired and hot from the chase ~ we were never able to step into the “pool” that we tried to capture in the distance.

There was no public swimming pool in our town; nor, did we have water slide parks “back in the day”.  Our only “sprinkler” was the hose that mom would string through to the top of a ladder ~ more like a shower without soap ~ but cool!   Then one day, my dad brought home the most marvelous invention ~ a hose with a hundreds of little holes in it which allowed a multitude of light spray to come out, in all directions.  We were in heaven the first time he hooked it up and saw how it worked.  Then unhappily we heard, “This is only to be used to water the lawn”, he said.  But, when dad was at work, mom would hook it up for us ~ one, two …. three!! ~ squealing as we ran through the wonderful water fountain of cold water. It was the best half hour ever!  My brothers would “get me and my girlfriends” out of the way by sneaking up with a frog or worms in their hands, threatening to put them on us.  Ooooo ~ nasty!!  Mom!!!!!  She was my hero in so many ways ~ but a very stern “ruler of the roost” when necessary ~ of course, concerning my brothers. She was never one to wait for dad to get home!

My girlfriends and I would spend hours, it seemed, playing jacks on the concrete slab we had as a porch ~ so cool to sit on before the sun warmed it, late in the afternoon.  We would play with dolls on the shaded patio of my best friend, creating plays of our own with kings and queens holding court. It was fun announcing that my brother’s head was to be chopped off!  We would color, making pictures and creating our own stories of far-away lands.  We also made up our own “secret code” for notes among us, so the boys (or teacher’s) would not have a clue to the message.

The best adventure we had was when mom and dad would take us to Pounds Hollow … a lake in Southern IL among a forest of very tall pine trees. My first memory of the lake was when I was 4 years old. We had to park on top of the hill and walk down the earthmade steps between the trees.  You could not see the lake until you were about half way down the hill…then, thru the trees, you could see the sparkling lake ~ full of what looked like bright  jewels floating, changing, as the sunbeams danced upon the water.  Back then, $.50 must have been precious because dad always huffed and puffed because it cost so much just to “swim in a lake”!  Mom just smiled and we knew ~ he loved it just as much as we did.  So excited I was to get to the lake, play in the water, build sand castles, but didn’t venture too far into the water on my own ~ squishy mud! Ick!!  So mom would carry me out a ways with me clinging to her neck for dear life. We never went out too far because she didn’t know to swim, either.  Once she got me disconnected from her neck and holding my hands, she would swirl me around in the water ~ reassuring me, she wouldn’t let go. We’d watch as dad and my brothers would swim to a large raft ~ seemed like a very long ways out.  It had a diving board attached.  Dad would do “swan” dives which made me and mom laugh. My brothers would just dive off the side.  But thinking back ~ when did my brothers learn to swim?  We didn’t have swimming classes ~ who taught them? I’ll have to ask dad. We would stay all afternoon, then have a picnic before heading home.

Summer ~ as a child, I just don’t remember minding that it was hot, because it was summer. No school, no set agenda ~ free to do whatever we found to keep us occupied, which seemed to make mom very happy.  Able to visit our cousins, have home-made ice cream, fresh strawberries right out of the patch with shortcake freshly made that day by grandma.  Going to the drive-in with mom and dad. Finding hiding places away from my brothers!! Life was much slower and peaceful then or, so it seemed. Sometimes I think ~ “if only I could go back” but instead just sit back and take a walk down memory lane.  Makes these hot, hazy days of summer seem almost bearable.

To all ~ enjoy your summer….one day at a time.  Always ~ Elichap

NCAA & Penn State

We have determined, read, written about every angle of Penn State University’s deceased football coach Joe Paterno and his despicable cover-up of the lower than slime employee/assistant Sandusky. Sandusky has been found guilty on multiple charges, awaiting sentencing ~ which doesn’t even include the recent “breaking news” … there were 3 others during the years of ’70’s and ’80’s, to add to Sandusky’s serial rampage of human violation.

So ~ let’s go beyond “beating the dead horse syndrome” ….. now is the time for the NCAA to stand up and take severe action against Penn State in regard to this very ugly situation … mind boggling as it is and a subject matter which we could debate, argue about, write about, continue to sift through details to make heads or tails of the “why”?!!

But past that ~ We have Miami, Howard, Baylor, Auburn, Syracuse, University of Oregon, Boise St, Ohio State and how many others (?) currently under sanctions by the NCAA for recruiting violations of one degree or another. Sanctions have been laid upon their basketball and/or football programs for their misconduct and abuse of the rules set by the  governing body for college sports. This is a group of collective persons, chosen, to keep integrity….safe guards at a high level for all higher education schools.

Penn State “covered up” …. and we still are not sure of just how many of the staff are involved …. abuse of human beings! And for what ~ the almighty $$’s.  It is reported that the NCAA has a tough decision ~ bull hockey!!!!  It is reported that they haven’t had enough time to make a judgement call. Even more pathetic on their part.  They have had almost a year’s time to plan their action to hear such a statement as above mentioned. The Freeh report is now an open book! The only recourse here is the “death penalty” to the Penn State football program for five years ~ minimum. Unfortunately, and sadly, that probably won’t be the verdict.

I am sympathetic for the student athletes at Penn State, that such a possible decision so great, would impact. But, not only the NCAA, but Penn State, must make a stand that this situation never happens again. The NCAA must make an example of Penn State to relay to all others….this type of situation will not be tolerated and will be dealt with by handing down the strongest of decisions. A “whistle blower” rule should be put in place so that no one who reports such vile actions will be punished for revealing such information = no fear of losing their job to protect a human being(s). The State of IL just passed a law to protect such persons’ in the educational field.  Hopefully, our remaining states follow suit.  Hopefully, the NCAA makes this apart of their “rules”!  This is a very real and present danger that needs to be addressed NOW.  I, also, feel the Big Ten should exclude Penn State from their football program in recognition of Penn State’s wrong doing in this sorted situation.

Penn State University, supposedly, is an university of integrity, honor and highly regarded in the educational field ~ well, at least it was. The university’s board should be taking every step possible to retain the high levels which they have achieved in the educational world. They themselves should be making recommendations to the NCAA for severe punishment despite the real and probable loss of capital gain from their football program. Penn State has a HUGE black eye ~ but those sitting in the big seats of command must accept responsibility for this outrage of circumstances that was “allowed” to go on, disgustingly, violating a young persons by one of their employees. I believe a public apology from the university would not be out of line, either, along with announcing their recommendation to the NCAA. We can not go back in time, but we certainly can make changes for the safety and well being of our students from this day forward.

Should the NCAA go lightly on their sanctions for Penn State ~ I feel there would be a “revolution” across the country in outcry regarding a “soft” verdict.  However, “if” that were to transpire, it would only be just that they grant all other schools amnesty for recruiting violations. Recruiting violations are nothing … nothing … compared to the despicable circumstances revealed under Penn State’s watch….or, not watching ~ so to speak.

A very sad set of affairs ~ but we need “stand-up” people to make responsible and tough (!) decisions …. leaving greed out of the picture.  Is the “human factor” not more important?  NCAA’s and Penn State’s hesitation ~ certainly makes me wonder.

Always ~ Elichap

The Scottish Open, Iverness, Scotland ~ The Winner Is ….

…. India’s golfing great, Jeev Milkha Singh with -17 won in a playoff against Italy’s Francesco Molinari who was leading to begin the final round. Phil Mickelson ended up in a five-way tie at -12, along with notable golfer Ireland’s Padriag Harrington. Ernie Els, from South Africa, ended at -6. Mickelson ended his fourth round, once again, over par by 2. But, still a far better showing in the Scottish open that he has had in awhile.

Back on American soil, at Silvis, IL ~ we currently have the John Deere Classic being played. At the end of the day yesterday, Troy Matteson was -18, with Steve Stricker tied close behind in second at -15. In today’s round, which has already begun play ~ Matteson and Stricker are playing together. Just finished their third hole, Matteson still in the lead at -19, but Sticker moving closer at -17.  The tournament is 42 years old….but has gone under name changes and locations in with the total years. It’s inception began as the Quad Cities Open in 1971 as a satellite event ~ officially on the tour schedule in 1972 played at Crow Valley CC in Davenport IA, 1971-1974. Then moved to Oakwood CC in Coal Valley, IL, 1976-1999. Since 2000 the event has been at the TPC Deere Run in Silvis, IL. Prior to John Deere taking over in 1999, the tournament was sponsored by noteables Ed McMahon (’74-’79), Miller Brewing Co (’82-’85), Hardee’s (’86-’94). To keep the tournament alive and well ~ John Deere stepped in and has kept the tournament at a successful level.

Steve Stricker is making a run for his fourth championship at the JDC. Not only a multiply champion, but holds the lowest winning score at -26 as recently as 2010. So, Stricker is definitely familiar with the course , and do believe probably one of his favorites to play. Finishing out the seventh hole, Matteson gained back a stroke to up him back at -19, Stricker holding at -17. But we have Luke Gutherie and Scott Piercy nipping at Stricker’s heels at -16. So as we golfers know ~ the scores are not in stone and can change quickly with each hole played. Humbling game as many know. Especially for Troy Kelly. He was looking at a possible win in the Greenbrier Classic played last weekend ~ only to lose on the third hole playoff to Ted Potter, Jr.  He missed the cut of this weekend’s  John Deere Classic.

So, I will watch the remainder of the tournament, enjoy the play and my hopes are that once again ~ Steve Stricker takes the win.

To all ~ have a great afternoon ~ no matter what your sport of choice happens to be.  Always ~ Elichap